Counting the Seconds
by fanmin
Summary: It was something terribly boring. It used to be and it still was. The game was the last thing Loras would do - Renly/Loras


**Title:** Counting the Seconds

**Main characters:** Loras Tyrell, Renly Baratheon

**Warning: **Spoiler, character death

Summary: It was something terribly boring. It used to be and it still was. The game was the last thing Loras would do.

* * *

His eyes were closed, his lips shut tight, and his body broken. If it was not for his heaved breathing, one might think the knight had passed.

But Loras's brain was still working endlessly. He was counting on the seconds that went by, determined to keep counting until the moment he would lose his consciousness forever. Many times he slipped and lost it, ended up restarting all over again.

It was terribly boring... Loras used to mock the action and would still do so now. But at the verge of dying, there was nothing else worth time-wasting than doing what his favourite person in the world once did.

* * *

"Loras are you asleep?"

The question made the name's owner turn in the bed, now facing the smiling face of his lord. Renly looked just as unsleepy as he was. "You wouldn't ask if you're considering the possibility that I might be. Why do you ask when you already know the answer?"

Renly's hand, which had been tangled in Loras's curls since they laid on the bed, was now stroking the hair. "Because I want to," he said simply, "And why aren't you asleep?"

"Why aren't _you_?" Loras raised a finger to nudge Renly in the chest, tracing random circles there before coming to rest.

"You should learn how not to reply questions with questions, Young Boy," he chuckled when his squire pouted at being addressed 'young'. "Still restless about the upcoming tourney, aren't we?"

Loras nodded mildly. "I've always wanted to be a knight. Winning tourneys, being glorified for my skill... has always been my goal in life." He looked up to meet a pair of warm blue eyes. "But now that it becomes so real, I can't just be calm and sleep it out."

"Mhm scared."

His finger now poked the skin rather roughly at the teasing tone that a grimace escaped in between Renly's laughter. "I am most definitely not scared."

"Stop denying, because I am too." Loras noted the shift to seriousness in Renly's tone despite the still-present grin on his lips. "I can't sleep because I'm scared. Things have been steady and perfect. Within hours, they will change, and I don't know if there existed a condition more perfect than this." Renly's other hand raised and a finger brushed Loras's cheek softly. "I can't sleep and waste any precious second. I'm scared I'll have no memory of this perfection when it's over."

Loras frowned. "You're talking like once I become a knight, I don't love you anymore."

"Loras I know that's not likely to happen. But I am selfish, you know? I can't help wanting more than just knowing I still have your heart when you are distances away and the world forbids us being together."

Loras didn't reply for a while, and Renly understood that his squire's pause meant he was agreeing without admitting.

A deep long sigh came out then Loras asked, "So are we gonna stay up all night long doing nothing?"

Amusement came back to Renly's eyes as he answered, "Actually I was in the middle of doing something. Someone told me this game is usually an effective thing to do if you can't sleep. Want to join me?"

"A game? What is it like?"

"Counting the seconds. Basically you just count up one two three upwards until infinity. If you slip up and forget you must restart again and again until your brain shuts out and you fall asleep," the elder explained.

Loras was silent for few good seconds, trying to comprehend the brief weird briefing. "...sounds boring. Not to mention terrible. Who even came up with that?"

"It's terribly boring and that's the point. You get bored and sleep, duh," Renly laughed. "Let's start from one and take turns."

"If I don't want to?"

"I'll be asleep in few thousand seconds and you'll be restless alone on your own." Since that didn't seem to threaten Loras the slightest, Renly added, "And you'll be missing a chance to make sure your lover have a decent rest of fearlessness before the big day tomorrow."

What wouldn't Loras do for Renly's goodness sake?

Before midnight their counts had slowed down and voices lowered down, slurred with sleepiness. Loras's last 'mumbling' count was anything but a number, let alone a word, so Renly too closed his eyes. Kissing the boy's curls and his forehead, he encircled the boy's waist to pull him closer, whispering barely audible loving words before sleep claimed him as well.

* * *

Loras knew that Renly made the game all up himself inspired by his own words 'can't waste any precious second', and only now he realized how true that was.

Things had been steady and perfect for both of them until that moment. Afterwards, there was only little time before all the peace turned to chaos full of duties, deaths, and vengeances. Loras didn't have the chance to savour the time, all happening so fast and now here he was, gravely injured and anytime within hours, minutes or seconds, everything came to an end.

Loras Tyrell would come to his end. He was scared of death, who wouldn't? Out of that fear he couldn't sleep it out. He needed to appreciate every precious second...to remind himself of Renly. Of the moments they spent together. Of how his feelings didn't alter and stay perfect as they had always been. Those memories were the only things that could keep him from being too scared.

As his mind revolved back to Renly Baratheon, Loras lost his counts again.

Wincing, Loras restarted but this time, he stopped somewhere around twelve.

* * *

-End-

A/N : Twelve. 12. R. For Renly. ;) There be my first ASoIaF fanfic. Thank you for reading!


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